I made a list of things in my life that I regret. Moments here and there came back to me, times that I had been a bad kid, bad friend, bad brother, bad student, bad son or just a bad person. There were other times where I just didn’t have the guts to do what I wanted to do. They hurt the worst.
I heard that everyone has regrets and I suppose it’s probably true. We all do stupid things in youth, are prone to fits of stubbornness or laziness. If there’s anything surprising about making such a list is that it’s so short. Yet one thing bothers me about it and bothers me a lot. Looking at my list, I realized that they didn’t stop at youth. They keep going and going, right up to a few weeks ago.
When you’re young, you have this idea of yourself all grown up. You imagine that your problems will be solved, that you’ll be freed of any adolescent burdens you currently carry. You’ll be the perfect person. Then you grow up and realize that you keep doing stupid stuff.
It made me wonder, just what will I think of this period of my life in five years time. When I’m 32, what will I think of this 27 year old guy? Will he approve of the things I’m doing right now? Or will he be shaking his head with regret, just like I do when I think of some of the things I was doing at 22? Oh how I wish I could travel back and talk to that guy and set him straight.
Regrets, if they are to be stopped, need the attention of a person from the future to advise us. As this is never ever going to happen, we need to imagine it. The only way to figure out what actions you are doing today that you will regret in the future is to imagine looking back on this time of your life from the future. What advice would you give yourself? Would you be looking back with pride or shame?
It’s really not as hard or crazy as it sounds. While I was in university, I spent too much time with my girlfriend and not studying. At the time, it wouldn’t have been a great stretch to realize that various girls are just fleeting things and not worth investing too much time into. Another time, still on the topic of girls, while I was transfixed by a girl of exquisite beauty and grace to the extent that I was unable to walk over and introduce myself, it wouldn’t have been so hard to realize that the pain of regret at a missed opportunity is so much worse than any possible rejection could be. And then, while I was in high school and it was time to visit my grandfather, surely I must’ve realized he wouldn’t be around forever and that I should have visited him more. All of these things aren’t a great stretch of the imagination, but they failed to hit me at the time.
So I’m still wondering. Just what is future me regretting right now?
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