A 24 joke:
“The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.”
and..
“Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a “knock knock” joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the damn bomb was.”
If you find either of these jokes funny, then you may be happy to know that everyone’s favorite CTU agent is back. There will be new twists and turns, new traitors, new terrorists and some good old Jack-inflicted ass-whooping as season 6 of 24 returns. I wasn’t impressed with season five that much, but I’m willing to forgive the producers and dedicate another 24 hours of my life to the study of this one-man army.
“Jack who?” you say. If you don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, then I need you to read this very carefully. Stand up slowly, don’t make any sudden moves. Back away from the keyboard, pick up your car keys and then run to your car. Drive to your nearest outlet for DVDs, get 24 seasons 1-4, come home immediately, strap yourself in a chair and for the next 4 days watch Jack save the world again and again. When you’ve finished, sleep so as to avoid dying. But then when you wake up watch season 5 and allow yourself to open your mouth in awe of Jack.
Now, I did say I wasn’t impressed with season 5, I know. But 24 still kicks ass as a show, as a concept and Jack never disappoints. In two weeks, Fox will start broadcasting season 6. They have released a teaser clip on the web which shows Jack with a beard again. This, as everyone knows, is off-season Jack. In all other hours of his life, Jack is a wreck, haunted by demons and excessive facial hair, but when the terrorists come, he transforms into a man of superhuman strength and ability to cheat death. Read: a terrorist’s biggest nightmare.
I have some thoughts about the new season. Of course, there will be some obligatory scenes:
- Jack will shout “tell me where the bomb is” at least twenty times to at least twenty different terrorists.
- Jack will punch someone in custody at CTU, then throw them against the wall
- Jack will save the world (duh!)
- Jack will have an instinct that someone can’t be trusted. No-one will believe him until the last minute, when everyone realizes that Jack’s instincts are always right.
- Jack will be arrested.
- Jack will be labeled a ‘loose canon’.
- Control of CTU will change hands at least 5 times.
Now, my thoughts for some potential plot lines for season 6 (potential spoiler warning):
- Jack will bring the whole population of China to justice for what they did to him.
- North Korea will attack America. Jack will invade North Korea, alone, and win.
- A former girlfriend of Jack’s will tell him that she has been raising Jack’s baby for the past 22 years. Jack and his son bond, then team up and kick some terrorist ass.
- Jack spends 24 hours touring the world ‘erasing’ anti-American sentiment.
- Jack becomes a Texas ranger. Jack Bauer and Chuck Norris get into a fight. Space-time ceases to exist because the world has been thrown into a state of paradox (a la irresistible force vs immovable object). Jack throws the fight to save the universe from destruction.
- Jack opens a new chain of restaurants and hosts a cooking show to save the world from “trans-fatty terrorists”.
- Terrorists find a legal way to take over and Jack delivers a 24-hour soliloquy in court to win the case.
- The UN declares Jack to be a “weapon of mass-destruction”. Jack throws Kofi Annan against the wall.
- The US Government blasts Jack into space to stop an incoming asteroid. Jack kicks the asteroid’s rocky ass in zero-gravity and saves the world from destruction.
The possibilities are endless. If the people at Fox ever need me to help Jack find something to do, just give me a call.
For more random facts about Jack Bauer, click here.
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