Archive for January, 2007

Our Country


2007
01.11

I recently received a forwarded email with a quote attributed to John Howard. It was taken from a supposed speech he gave about immigration policies and a multicultural Australia. Here is an excerpt:

“Immigrants, not Australians must adapt. Take It Or Leave It. I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Bali, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Australians. However, the dust from the attacks had barely settled when the ‘politically correct’ crowd began complaining about the possibility that our patriotism was offending others… As Australians, we have our own culture, our own society, our own language and our own lifestyle. This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles, trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom”

The supposed speech came to an end in a frenzied climax of patriotic cliches (caps added by original source):

“This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this. But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our Christian beliefs, or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great Australian freedom, ‘THE RIGHT TO LEAVE’.”

Had it happened? Had John Howard finally flown off the handle and revealed his inner Aussie battler? Then I thought, wait a minute, this is John Howard. The who never says anything remotely inflammatory. John Howard, appeaser of the middle class. I turned to Google to find out where this story really came from.

I found that indeed it wasn’t little Johnnie who penned the above rant, nor was it one of his speechwriters. In fact, it was hard to trace the author, there were so many. Stories usually went something like: an editorial in a “major tabloid” said this speech or “a concerned reader and average Joe” sent this letter-to-the-editor to a local newspaper. It also seemed that the country in question wasn’t originally Australia. It seems that the speech has been used in defence of patriotism in the UK as well however the consensus of internet opinion is that it was written by an American citizen as an editorial for a Tampa (Florida) newspaper. Name unknown.

In fact, this is simply a chain letter. A dig back through the news archives showed that this letter has been sent to various newspapers’ editorial sections and published again and again since 2001, the date it was originally written. Finally, I ended up at breakthechain.com which traced it back to “Barry Loudermilk, an Air Force veteran from Georgia and frequent op-ed columnist in the The Bartow Trader” which quite possibly could be the Bartow in Florida.

The fact that people keep quoting this and getting excited by it is probably because it’s more or less how people are feeling. It’s no secret that citizens are increasingly frustrated by the constant stream of politically correct bullshit that spews forth from our lawmakers and media outlets. Usually when something doesn’t sit right with the general population, an opposite reaction will occur pretty soon after. It doesn’t take Newton to tell you that the opposite of PC is usually a little on the racist, good-old-days, nationalistic side. That’s how society ends up reasonably balanced.

The funny thing about this email is that people are not attributing to John Howard the type of quotes we used to read Pauline Hanson actually giving. I suppose those who agreed all along felt a little better when it came from official mouths.

Yeah, right.

Popularity: 7% [?]

Second Skin


2007
01.11

I find that I’ve grown accustomed to the cold. Temeratures below zero are somewhat normal and when it rises to 2 or 3 above, I comment to others that its nice and warm. I don’t know how it happened, but I think I must’ve grown another layer of fat around my body. Or a second skin.

Which makes me wonder what else I can grow under the right conditions. I saw a documentary the other day about two guys who hit stuff. By subjecting their bodies to repeated impacts, they made their bones incredibly strong. I heard of another guy who was bitten so many times by rattlesnakes that he didn’t need antivenom any more. It’s a testament to the human body that it can change and adapt to anything that humans might be stupid enough to do repeatedly.

What special skill might I be able to acquire though? I rarely jump through plate-glass windows or wrestle snakes, so the above examples aren’t really for me. I hated the cold, yes, and my body adapted, true, but I need more. Maybe the resistance from fire. You never know when your house is going to burn down. Withstanding an inferno might be a good thing. Ability to breathe underwater another. But finally, I suppose if you were going to get resistant from anything the best thing would be death.

You could start by killing yourself a little bit, then a little bit more, then a little bit more. Try a little poisoning, then a little stabbing, then a little drowning. Eventually, no-one will be able to top you off. This could be very useful for people in the shady professions. Of course, I wouldn’t try this myself. I’ll just wait for the video to appear on YouTube.

Popularity: 2% [?]

Jack is Back… again!


2007
01.06

24

A 24 joke:

“The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.”

and..

“Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a “knock knock” joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the damn bomb was.”

If you find either of these jokes funny, then you may be happy to know that everyone’s favorite CTU agent is back. There will be new twists and turns, new traitors, new terrorists and some good old Jack-inflicted ass-whooping as season 6 of 24 returns. I wasn’t impressed with season five that much, but I’m willing to forgive the producers and dedicate another 24 hours of my life to the study of this one-man army.

“Jack who?” you say. If you don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, then I need you to read this very carefully. Stand up slowly, don’t make any sudden moves. Back away from the keyboard, pick up your car keys and then run to your car. Drive to your nearest outlet for DVDs, get 24 seasons 1-4, come home immediately, strap yourself in a chair and for the next 4 days watch Jack save the world again and again. When you’ve finished, sleep so as to avoid dying. But then when you wake up watch season 5 and allow yourself to open your mouth in awe of Jack.

Now, I did say I wasn’t impressed with season 5, I know. But 24 still kicks ass as a show, as a concept and Jack never disappoints. In two weeks, Fox will start broadcasting season 6. They have released a teaser clip on the web which shows Jack with a beard again. This, as everyone knows, is off-season Jack. In all other hours of his life, Jack is a wreck, haunted by demons and excessive facial hair, but when the terrorists come, he transforms into a man of superhuman strength and ability to cheat death. Read: a terrorist’s biggest nightmare.

I have some thoughts about the new season. Of course, there will be some obligatory scenes:

  • Jack will shout “tell me where the bomb is” at least twenty times to at least twenty different terrorists.
  • Jack will punch someone in custody at CTU, then throw them against the wall
  • Jack will save the world (duh!)
  • Jack will have an instinct that someone can’t be trusted. No-one will believe him until the last minute, when everyone realizes that Jack’s instincts are always right.
  • Jack will be arrested.
  • Jack will be labeled a ‘loose canon’.
  • Control of CTU will change hands at least 5 times.

Now, my thoughts for some potential plot lines for season 6 (potential spoiler warning):

  • Jack will bring the whole population of China to justice for what they did to him.
  • North Korea will attack America. Jack will invade North Korea, alone, and win.
  • A former girlfriend of Jack’s will tell him that she has been raising Jack’s baby for the past 22 years. Jack and his son bond, then team up and kick some terrorist ass.
  • Jack spends 24 hours touring the world ‘erasing’ anti-American sentiment.
  • Jack becomes a Texas ranger. Jack Bauer and Chuck Norris get into a fight. Space-time ceases to exist because the world has been thrown into a state of paradox (a la irresistible force vs immovable object). Jack throws the fight to save the universe from destruction.
  • Jack opens a new chain of restaurants and hosts a cooking show to save the world from “trans-fatty terrorists”.
  • Terrorists find a legal way to take over and Jack delivers a 24-hour soliloquy in court to win the case.
  • The UN declares Jack to be a “weapon of mass-destruction”. Jack throws Kofi Annan against the wall.
  • The US Government blasts Jack into space to stop an incoming asteroid. Jack kicks the asteroid’s rocky ass in zero-gravity and saves the world from destruction.

The possibilities are endless. If the people at Fox ever need me to help Jack find something to do, just give me a call.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

For more random facts about Jack Bauer, click here.

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The Flash Effect


2007
01.06

Today I woke up early. Like before-the-sun-comes-up early. Normally such a thing would be unthinkable, especially on a Saturday. For some reason or another, I just happened to be awake and looking for a bus. Everything was as it should be. It was cold and dark. But there was something else, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. I snapped a photo to analyze the scene…

Nothing to see here, right?
Nothing to see here, right?

But wait a minute, something was different. After looking at the above photo, taken without a flash, I decided that I would turn the flash on and shoot again. This time, when I looked at the photo it struck me what was different about this scene. It was snowing by the bucketload!

Wow! It's snow
Wrong!

As I was in Singapore when it snowed last time, I was happy to see the 2nd showing of snow in Seoul. It really fell down fast. It almost made me want to strap a board to my feet and lasso a passing taxi. Snow is more of an aesthetic change in Seoul because it’s rarely ever a hindrance to one’s activities. A little heavy sprinkling leaves a white coat on things for a few days, making the place look nice.

As I was up so early, I made good use of McDonalds’ new breakfast menu, which seems to only exist in Itaewon. I usually have a cream cheese bagel and coffee in Dunkin Donuts for breakfast, but an egg and cheese mcmuffin with a hash brown and coffee is just so much better.

Mmm! Breakfast
MMM… yeah!

After finishing breakfast and returning home, I noticed that my poor bike had suffered a coating. It’s been so good to me, but Winter is not kind to riders, the air hath tiny daggers of cold which find their way through your multiple layers and into your soul. Couple that with ice on the road and that’s good enough reason for me to catch a bus.

Snow covered bike
Marking your own bike just doesn’t seem like as much fun

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