Archive for February, 2006

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Follow Your Dreams


2006
02.13

Posted in Teaching, Tongue In Cheek | No Comments »

As kids, we are all told about the amazing possibilities that life offers. We are told that anything is possible, if you just put your mind to it. Well if that’s true, then I want to know why I can’t spend Monday singing in a Noraebang with a bottle of cheap wine with my buddies. Just for a change, you know? If this is what I truly want, then there must be a way to achieve it.

I know, you’re saying that I could just quit my job and pursue this course of action. That is just plain silly. How then will I pay for said cheap wine and singing room. No, I’m talking about working and playing at the same time. In this age of technology, why are we still grappling with such elementary problems.

I put my mind to this exact problem as I stumbled through yet another Monday, surrounded as it were by little 6 year old kids. Trying to control one is bad enough, but I have eight of them. Then it hit me. Life is about making the most of what you have, not running away from what is in front of you. I realized that what I was doing right now was useful and could be very productive if used in the right way.

It would start on the previous Friday. In our art class we would work with paper mache, creating physical replica of me, their teacher. Following the sculpting, we would mix colors to achieve the correct skin and hair tone, then we would pain all the features on. This will have the dual effect of filling a complete Friday and, more importantly, creating a full-scale model of me.

Over the weekend, I would record my voice in a sequence of messages, set to randomly play at intervals. When inserted into the mache model of me, it will give the onlooker the impression that I am hard at work.

Next, and the most crucial element of this plan, I would bribe the kids with candy and chocolate in return for them not telling anyone. I will convince them that if I get caught, I won’t have the money to buy them goodies. This will ensure their absolute obedience.

And then I will be at liberty to choose a singing room of my choice where I can drink my wine and sing all day. An optional step of this plan would involve the kids working harder to make me some paper mache friends to join me in my day of relaxation.

So really, it’s up to you to pursue your dreams. I can tell you, nobody is going to hand it to you. But when you have a bunch of six year olds who will do anything you say in exchange for a few candies, well what can’t you achieve?

Popularity: 8% [?]

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My New Phone


2006
02.10

Posted in Technology | No Comments »

There is a flaw in my new phone. Let me explain. See, it has a built in camera which in a few seconds can snap a pic. It is also an mp3 player and can connect to GPS, should I ever require that level of inaneness. My ringtones can be converted from music files and customized to every person that calls me (by every person I guess I mean the two or three that actually do call). It also has a number of functions which I’m not sure what I could do with. There is the alarm clock which wakes me up with music and also the wake-up call which also wakes me up with music. How they are different is not yet clear. There is an organizer that I might use to keep my life organized should I ever decide to do such a thing (right now it would only read “work, work, work, sleep” every day so it’s of little use). Then there is the soothing study music which I can play when I’m in need of a tranquil setting for some real mind matters. And of course, I can surf the web and do a bunch of things that it would be easier and cheaper to do on a computer. But none of these things is the flaw. I’m getting to that.

Here, this phone costs only $240 Australian dollars, which is a total bargain if you ask me. This fact is made even better by the generosity of my friend Roy who just GAVE me the phone. That’s how I got my last phone which I’ve been using for the past two years in Korea. The flap was hanging off it’s hinge and the screen didn’t work, but it did me well. And I was a cheapass. And… no it was mainly the cheapass part.

I’d be interested to see whether this model even made it to Aussie shores or if it’s just a local brand, made as it was by Samsung. Due to the fact that it uses CDMA, I can’t use it in Australia if I was to come back. I consider this a flaw of the Australian network, not my phone mind you.

No, this phone’s one flaw is that it can’t take a photo of itself. So I can’t show you right now exactly what it looks like. You can’t see the sleek metallic body which slides up smoothly to reveal the buttons while lighting up the beautiful color screen. They should really look into this. People want to brag.

Popularity: 1% [?]

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My Last Cartoon Comment


2006
02.06

Posted in Religion | No Comments »

Religion… giving people reasons to kill each other since the Dawn of Time.

Popularity: 3% [?]

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Cartoons That Kill


2006
02.03

Posted in Religion | No Comments »

There has been a lot of fuss over some cartoons printed in Denmark lately. For the people making the fuss, I hope you know that you have helped the cartoons to be seen by millions more people around the world than would originally have seen then AND you have reinforced the view that you have no idea what Western culture is about.

Not that we in the West have any idea about your culture. But we can only try to educate the other side in its misconceptions and be open to education from the other side. An open discussion without violence is the way to understanding. So here’s my education for you, the fuss-makers. We don’t have censorship. People in our countries are free to have differing opinions. So when you tell the Danes that they shouldn’t have allowed such pictures to be published, well they’re not going to change the whole freedom of the press thing because you don’t like it. As for the burning of the flag, I mean come on. The Danish flag stands for freedom. If you’re having a hard time with freedom then move to Saudi or Iran.

In what seems like a suspicious twist, a delegation of Muslim clerics from Denmark, who travelled to the Arab world to raise awareness about the cartoons, apparently added their own coarse samples which were neither clever nor tasteful. One depicted a dog having intercourse with a praying Mohammad and another had a person depicted as a pig next to a microphone with “Mohammad sings” or some stupid thing like that. They were roughly photocopied and not even cartoons. It is possible that these are the images which caused the outrage in the first place.

One can only hope that discerning Muslims seeing such pictures will be able to tell that they are inflammatory fakes.

But what does hope mean when there are plenty of people in the world that we know are mad enough to want to kill the cartoonist, the newspaper, the Danish, the Swedes (for good measure) and anyone remotely connected to the cartoons. Of course, by now there may well be a jihad on me but there are plenty worse things they can nail me for than that.

Debate around religious issues may be forbidden in the Muslim world, but many of us are not, nor wish to be living in the Muslim world. Those Muslims who are living in the West can thankfully buy another newspaper in future. They have that choice you see.

Popularity: 3% [?]