I must thank my brother Lyndon for the excellent banner he made me. I thought my site needed a fresh look and he certainly supplied it. I have been wanting to change that plain old blue banner for a long time. I have another one I’m working on too, so maybe in a week or so I’ll unveil it.
The thing which shocked me the most today was not Gothika, although I just watched it tonight and it was pretty freaky. No, the most shocking thing today happened this afternoon as I was just relaxing, listening to some music and peering out my window. It was a John Lennon song, ‘Beautiful Boy’, and one of the lyrics hit me. I know, it’s probably a saying which has been around for a long time, but the way he sang it. He was talking about his son and growing up and then he said it. He said, “life is just what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans.”
Life is just slipping away. We grow up with the idea that we just have to finish all the school work, get a job and then we start with real life. That’s the time when we start changing the world, living differently from our parents, becoming rich and successful. To me, it’s shocking that this could be my life. What if this was it? Will time blur everything into a romantic adventure story? And is that why old people do it? Is it just a way of coping with the fact that we all lead quite ordinary lives. Our only means of escaping it is to enrich the tapestry of the past into a wondrous quilt of tales, when actually it was all quite uneventful.
I really hope this is not so. I remember at times in my past thinking that I was waiting for some event to happen, something to make the moment come alive like a story. And I remember seeing events take place, thinking at the time that they were just ordinary events taking place, squeezed for any drop of excitement. Then I remember hearing someone else describe them as though they were some grand story. They weren’t, but I can see how descriptions and reality are the same thing.
There is no reality when a person is involved. There is only his or her reality. How a person sees an event. I believe that humans are largely rational and see the world in mostly the same way. Except for their brains which, upon seeing, change their own belief of what they’ve seen. This is due to pre-existing belief, desire to impress, resentment, or shame. People don’t describe events, they only describe the experience they had as they witnessed that event take place.
But back to my original point, life has been happening to me for the past 25 years and I only remember that it is happening on these odd occasions. Most of the time, I’m busy trying to do this or that, I forget. It doesn’t matter that I forget because I hate to be so self-conscious of the whole thing. There used to be times in the past where my head went into a spin because I was always so self-aware of everything. You know when you are trying to do something and all you can think about is your body doing it? It’s the worst. Life should be lived in a relatively unaware state for the best effect. I call it the ‘control room’ state. You’re not directly pulling all the levers, but you have some guidance into the overall outcome. So I like to keep this self-assessment to a minimum. But life is going so fast and it really seems to be getting faster as the years go on.
As a kid, I just wanted things to hurry the hell up. Stuck in the 5th grade, no rights, sitting next to some sweaty kid all day in a classroom, being asked the most obvious questions. Now, I really wouldn’t mind everything being put on pause while I can get my bearings, just so it fully sinks in: I am what is generally referred to as an adult.
Oh shit.
It’s so weird because my head still thinks like it did when I was back in 5th grade. Sure, I got some more experiences and read some more books, but it’s still me in here and I still feel like a kid. Somewhere deep down, beneath all the adult thoughts which say such things are immature, I STILL THINK CLIMBING TREES IS FUN! There, I said it. Am I still just a kid in here?
No, actually it is the other way around. Let me explain. Have you ever seen an old person use a computer for the first time? They just click the mouse at anything and hope that it works. Well that’s just like how a baby approaches life. They just pick stuff up and put it in their mouths. Edible? No. Move on. We are all born adults who have these new machines to use called our bodies, the world around us, people we meet, books, cars, everything. We’re so damn busy trying to figure everything out and how to use them that we lose track of the big picture. Adulthood is just the term used for a basic proficiency in the things around us. And what are we so busy preparing for? I have a theory.
Love. It all comes back to love. Only when you’re in love does the world make sense. Because when you’re in it, you suddenly see how all the proficiencies fit together. We learned to walk so that we could enjoy walks through the park with our loved one. We tried hard to feed ourselves so we wouldn’t look stupid when we took or loved one to a fancy restaurant. It’s the best feeling that humans could devise, the feeling that gives meaning to everything. It’s the ultimate human emotion.
But what is love? Well, to paraphrase the original quote, quite simply, “Love is just what happens to you when you’re busy getting into her pants.”
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