Coffee, We Need To Talk
Coffee, we need to talk. I have loved you for some time now. It started about five years ago, first with instant, then with percolated and finally, as our love grew deeper, the espresso. We have shared so many moments together as we sat there, me drinking you, you being drunk, both of us watching the world rush by. You’ve been there in the mornings, tucked me in at night. I took barista courses, bought fancy equipment, all in the aim of providing us with a good life together. And it worked! You got better and better, richer and smoother. Our parties stretched the night and greeted the morning. But then I learned you were leading a double life.
Had I known that while making me feel perkier in the morning, you were elevating my cortisol levels I might not have let you into my life. But there you were, whispering sweet nothings in my ear, wafting your delicious smell up my nostrils and all the while stimulating my adrenal gland, causing all kinds of havoc.
What’s that you say? You were just messing around? It was harmless? Ha! Stop lying to me. I’m so tired of your seductive lies. I know what you were up to now. The wool has been pulled from my eyes and I’ll have no part of your shenanigans any more! Cortisol isn’t just some harmless fun. Blood pressure, fertility issues, memory. Oh you have some nasty friends, Coffee.
I knew something was wrong when I saw Fat. At first, I didn’t really know why it had shown up. I didn’t invite it to the party and quite frankly I usually don’t allow those types in. I run, I swim, I keep fit. But everywhere I went, there was Fat, still hanging around like it knew me. I knew for sure that I hadn’t invited it myself, so I started asking around. Had someone else let it in while I wasn’t looking? I did a little further digging and it all became clear to me. While my good friend Coffee was keeping me happy and distracted, a whole host of undesirable characters were slipping in the back door.
If not for the fat, I may not have noticed. But it’s always sitting there on my stomach like an ugly fat blob, staring at me and grunting “What?” When the two of you get together that fat bastard seems even more content, swelling up and jiggling all over the place. If it was just you and me, I might be able to stomach the other issues, such decalcifying my bones, thinning my skin and toxifying my brain. But you just had to fatten me up. And if there’s one thing to spoil a good substance party, it’s a fat bastard at the center of it who JUST WON’T LEAVE.
So goodbye Coffee. I’ll admit, it was fun while it lasted. But now that I know what you’ve been up to, well, it just leaves a bitter taste.
Refs:
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1608/is_9_19/ai_106652961/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cortisol#Factors_affecting_cortisol_levels
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2249754/?tool=pmcentrez
Image: http://theobservationsubway.blogspot.com/2008/08/at-coffee-shop.html
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Coffee, We Need To Talk
Coffee, we need to talk. I have loved you for some time now. It started when I was in Korea, first with instant, then with percolated and finally, as our love grew deeper the espresso. We have shared so many moments together as we sat there, me drinking you, you being drunk, both of us watching the world rush by. You’ve been there in the mornings, tucked me in at night. I took barista courses, bought fancy equipment, all in the aim of providing us with a good life together. And it worked! You got better and better, richer and smoother. Our parties stretched the night and greeted the morning. But then I learned you were leading a double life.
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